BulliesAmongUs

HR Can Be the Company Champion

2009-02-19T13:40:00.000-08:00

Human Resources can be the company’s champion by decreasing company costs. One sure-fire way to reduce company costs is to have a solid, well communicated, and enforced anti-workplace bullying policy.

Here is a basic outline for creating a policy:

1. Enlist support of upper managers and administration.
2. Use HR’s bountiful access to personnel records to compile data on the
a. Number of voluntary and involuntary departures
b. Reasons for voluntary and involuntary departures
c. Cost of recruiting and selecting replacements
d. Cost of training replacements, including loss in productivity of
co-workers who assist new-hires or whose work reaches a bottleneck due to slower productivity when new-hires come on board.
e. Does a particular unit/department have significantly more absences than others?
3. Create an anti-bullying policy for the company that meets with administration approval.
4. Communicate the policy to all levels of the organization making sure it is clearly stated and accessible to all employees. Post it in the break room, so everyone knows what bullying is and how to report it.
5. ENFORCE the policy.

If your organization already has a policy, review it to determine whether it adheres to the Healthy Workplace Bill.

In time workplace bullying will be illegal. Now is the time to create your policy and be ready for the law.

Your Thoughts Determine Your Destiny

2009-02-08T15:39:00.000-08:00

Regardless of who we are, where we are, and what we do, attention to these words may lead us to be better people at work and at home:

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.—Origin Uncertain

Queen Bees and Bullies at Work

2009-02-06T14:32:00.000-08:00

The obviously pregnant woman shook so violently from head to toe that I worried about the welfare of her baby. Was she cold? Was she nervous? No, she was enraged and trying with every fiber of her being to control her anger.

The key word is control--of herself and others. As a bully, she had a specific target. As a passive-aggressive personality, she had many years of practice in control before she met the target referenced here. Three of her techniques for retaining control were (1) to never divulge information about herself, (2) to always present herself as the image of perfection, and (3) to never lose self-control. Losing self-control would mean losing control of the situation and revealing something of her inner-self.

Passive-aggression, briefly defined as handling hostility or anger in underhanded ways, is reflected in the Gatekeeper category of workplace bullies. Gatekeepers often seize control by deviously withholding information and materials needed by other employees to do their jobs.

With some behaviors, she resembled office “Queen Bees”—collecting information that she may use against other employees, but never sharing information about herself. She was masterful at answering all questions with questions rather than statements.

Years later, control still is the name of her game. Control is her power. That’s what bullies are all about.

Are Workplace Bullies from Mars? They Can't Be from Venus.

2009-01-30T16:14:00.000-08:00

It must be true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Last week I talked about the destructive power of bullies in the workplace at two association meetings on consecutive days. The first group was 80 percent men; the second was 100 percent women. I had seen the same reactions at other presentations on this topic, but coming on consecutive days, the differences were blatant.

Of the first group, a few men commented during the question-and-answer period, but not on their personal experiences, and only one woman participated. However, later as they were leaving, the women stopped to talk with me. They did not want to talk about having been targets of bullies while the men were present, but preferred to wait until we could speak one on one.

At the second meeting, which was all women, there was very little hesitation about speaking up. Approximately 75 percent of the women indicated workplace bullies have targeted them. This is terrible but not surprising when we remember that the vast majority of male bullies and half of female bullies target women.

In Roman mythology, Mars is the God of War and Venus is the Goddess of Love. In workplaces and in the world, war seems to rule and there is too little love. What do you do to bring a little more love and consideration into your workplace? Let me know.

Friends and Allies: Antidotes to Bullying

2009-01-28T14:43:00.000-08:00

A wonderful woman told me a success story this week.

A few years ago, when she still worked in corporate America, a friend and colleague in her workplace was targeted by an especially large and self-important man. As the bullying continued, the target’s friends and allies began to rally around her and looked for ways to stop the bully. For almost a year, working their way up the hierarchical ladder level by level, they presented the situation to superiors but couldn’t get responses. Eventually, they learned the tightest bottleneck was two levels below the CEO and was also his cousin.

Because the cousin intercepted all their messages and attempts, they decided they would try to reach the CEO directly, but with no success, until one day when the CEO personally answered his phone. He actually took time to listen to the caller’s story and agreed to investigate. The happy result was that the bully, the cousin, and two of their buddies were fired.

Research indicates that in 83 percent of cases, the target is driven out and the bully remains. This woman’s story of success is rare in the world of workplace bullying, and it shows what ongoing support of friends and allies can do.

Bullying, Sports, & Losing: A Volatile Blend

2009-01-17T16:04:00.000-08:00

So, tomorrow is the long-awaited, history-making NFC Championship Game to be held in Glendale, Arizona. At this point, local and visiting fans are revved up, drinking, and partying, as they will until the game ends and, inevitably, one side loses. That's when the trouble begins. That's when the "losers" with too much to drink and bullying tendencies start venting their anger and frustration. Who are the likely targets? Spouses and significant others, kids, and pets. If the Cardinals lose, it will be an especially busy night for local police.

A word of caution: If you are the target of a workplace bully who is one of the "losing" fans, avoid the bully Monday morning. He or she might still be in a foul mood.

Model for a Workplace Bullying Policy

2009-01-11T12:27:00.000-08:00

Does your organization have a Workplace Bullying Policy? If not, it should.

Look at the following quotes from Desert Ore Contracting's Workplace Bullying Policy. The policy is clear, to the point, and short--only one page. Why does Desert Ore have this concise and workable policy? Because it is located in western Australia, where workplace bullying is illegal, as it will be in the United States eventually.

The Company Takes a Stand

"Desert Ore Contracting Pty. Ltd. is committed to providing a positive working environment free from intimidation, ridicule and harassment. Desert Ore Contracting will not tolerate threatening behavior including bullying, harassment, intimidation, threats and physical violence in the workplace."

"Desert Ore Contracting considers workplace bullying unacceptable."

Defines the Problem

"Workplace bullying is unreasonable behavior that generally is persistent, and that demeans, intimidates and humiliates employees, either as individuals or as a group."

Spells Out Consequences for Organization

"Workplace bullying may cause the loss of trained and talented employees, reduce productivity and morale, and create legal risk."

States Their Premise

"Desert Ore Contracting believes that all employees should be able to work in an environment free of bullying. Managers and supervisors must ensure employees are not bullied."

Clarifies Action Plan

"Desert Ore Contracting has issue resolution and investigation procedures to deal with workplace bullying. Any reports of workplace bullying will be treated seriously and investigated promptly, confidentially and impartially."

"Desert Ore Contracting encourages all employees to report workplace bullying. Managers and supervisors must ensure that employees or witnesses who make complaints are not victimized."

States Consequences for Bullies

"Disciplinary action wilL be taken against anyone where a complaint of bullying is found. Disciplinary action may involve a formal warning, counseling, or dismissal."

Desert Ore's Workplace Bullying Policy could be a model for organizations in the United States. Knowing the cost and consequences of workplace bullying and that it will become a legal issue, why not set up a policy now as Desert Ore and many European organizations have had to do?

Workplace Bullies Are Bullies Outside Work, Too

2009-01-10T15:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's Arizona Republic included two wire service fillers about mean, nasty behaviors toward one's neighbors. The first told of a 37-year-old man who tore open his neighbor's door with a chain saw. It seems that Robert Kane was upset because his neighbor's friend had parked in front of Kane's house.

The second story reported a man who had been sprinkling the driveways of neighbors he doesn't like with roof nails to cause flat tires. A policeman staking out a victim's home caught the perpetrator in the act of scattering nails. He was charged with harassment, criminal tampering, and mischief.

More than likely, these men are employed somewhere. How would you like be in the same workspace with either of them?

Workplace bullies are bullies before they darken the workplace door.

Organizational Change: A Hotbed for Bullying

2009-01-03T07:09:00.000-08:00

What's going on in the organization where you work? Are major changes taking place? Organizational changes are widely associated with bullying behaviors, and it makes sense.

Global competitiveness, downsizing, restructuring, intensified workloads, technological change, mergers, and acquisitions create STRESS. Many researchers believe these organizational changes are risk factors for bullying. Frankly, I doubt employees need researchers to reveal this fact: Almost forty percent of employees are living it.

Stress within organizations is no exception to the rule that for every action, there's a reaction. One chain reaction that occurs looks like this:

Greater Job Insecurity > Increased Stress > More Authoritarian Management Practices > Inappropriately Coercive Managerial Behaviors > Employees Less Likely to Challenge Aggressive Treatment > The Bullying Continues

This is an example of environmental factors, such as the depressed economy, interacting with organizational factors to contribute to workplace bullying. In the current economical environment, I anticipate that bullying, which is already a worldwide epidemic, will continue to increase, and I strongly urge targeted employees to take defensive action to protect your careers and your health. I also urge supervisors and managers to evaluate how stress is affecting your behavior.

As employees or employers, you can't afford workplace bullying.

Fireman Bullied at Tucson Fire Department

2008-12-17T16:58:00.000-08:00

Last Spring, a Tucson firefighter began litigation proceedings against the Tucson Fire Department for their bullying activities against him. Adam Neal accused his co-workers of harassment that included “tying him up with duct tape,” according to an Associated Press article in the Arizona Republic.

Neal stated he endured daily abuse that his supervisors at the Fire Department said was “just part of the training.” Eventually, due to the stress induced by these workplace bullies, Neal required four days of inpatient therapy for depression.

As often happens, the claim was settled out of court. In this case, the settlement was $60,000 but, of course, the Tucson Fire Department had no comment.

From a bottom-line perspective, this case cost much more than $60,000. One of the additional costs includes the time wasted on non-productive activities:
-time devoted to bullying
-time lost due to low employee engagement of the bullies and their target
-time spent on preparing and defending the case
-absenteeism
That’s only the beginning.

The next time an organization calls you requesting a contribution, you might want to think about it twice before donating your hard-earned dollars. Do a little research first to learn whether the organization in question has wasted its funds on bullying and other forms of harassment. Somebody has to pay the costs of bullying. But I don’t want to. And you probably don’t either.

Workplace Bullies in Training

2008-12-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

Obsessive anti-social and paranoid behaviors are rampant among today’s young people. These disorders are not mere quirks, but are serious enough that they interfere with ordinary functioning. So reports Dr. Mark Olufson of Columbia University and New York State Psychiatric Institute.

Dr. Olufson and co-authors published a study this month in the Archives of General Psychiatry, which found that if drug and alcohol abuse are included, one-half of more than 5,000 young people (19 – 25) surveyed have some type of psychiatric condition. Second only to drug and alcohol abuse, personality disorders were the single largest category.

The statistics are frightening when we consider that at least 25 percent of these young adults will not receive treatment, yet most of them will likely be in workplace environments, if they aren’t already. Is it any wonder that workplace bullying is a worldwide epidemic and is on the increase?

Antisocial and paranoid behaviors are two descriptors frequently associated with workplace bullies. It seems that future workplace bullies are in training on college campuses and elsewhere right now.

Are Workplace Bullies Animal Abusers?

2008-11-20T15:13:00.000-08:00

Will current attention and discussion on workplace bullies expose animal abusers? Think about it.

Workplace bullies are likely to have been schoolyard bullies. As very young children schoolyard bullies were probably cruel to animals. This is well researched and documented.

The path leading from small children who pull wings off butterflies to bullies in the workplace is logical, and why would we believe that a person who undermines and terrifies a fellow employee wouldn’t continue to abuse animals, especially convenient household pets? Or even worse, sponsor or breed dogs for pit fights? The thought sickens me.

More on this later.

What Makes Bullies’ Brains Brighten?

2008-11-11T08:12:00.000-08:00

Is it possible bullies can’t help being bullies? According to a recent study from the University of Chicago, behaving like a bully gives bullies pleasure.

Dr. Benjamin Lahey, a psychologist and co-author of the study had expected that bullies would be indifferent to the pain of others. Contrary to expectations, Dr. Lahey found that when 16- to 18-year-old boys observed videos depicting painful situations, both accidental and intentional, they registered brain activity in pleasure-related and pain-related areas. Additionally, their brain scans showed NO activity in the portion of the brain that helps regulate self-control.

Not only do bullies experience pleasure from seeing people in pain, but they are likely to respond to perceived “threats” or “insults” with knee-jerk, out-of-control behaviors—a dangerous combination that is positively reinforced every time they bully somebody.

What can be done? Dr. Lahey looks to the development of therapies to either treat or compensate for bullies’ lack of self-regulation.

For further work with students and communities regarding school bullying, visit the Olweus Bully Prevention Program site. This program began in Bergen, Norway, with the research of Dan Olweus, Ph.D., and is jointly supported in the United States by Hazelden (Minnesota) and Clemson University, where many people have been trained in the Olweus system and are now dispersed across the nation.

Thank you to Jackie Dishner, The Bike Lady, for drawing my attention to this study.

Jean R. McFarland, Ph.D. Author of Bullies Among Us, What To Do When Work's No Fun

Kitty's "I'm In Charge of Me" Mindset

2008-10-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

Negative behaviors at work disrupt performance and tend to lower employee morale, often causing employees to feel they have no control over their situations. I suggest that if employees deal with negative behaviors at the onset, they more likely than not can maintain an “I’m in charge of me” mindset. One of my colleagues, Kitty Wiemelt, wrote these words in her October 01, 2008, blog. Please visit her at Balancing the Winds of Change. I believe you will be inspired.

Also welcome two more NSA colleagues:

June Liggins
www.centerofdistinction.wordpress.com

Bonnie Mattick
www.YourBusinessDetective.com

Jean R. McFarland, Ph.D.
www.BadAppleSolutions
www.FifthDimensionStrategies.com
Author of Bullies Among Us. What To Do When Work's No Fun

New Blogathon: New Resources

2008-10-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

Another Blogathon has begun: The 100 Day Blogathon. Following are the names and addresses of members who are great resources in a variety of fields. Check out their sites:

Mimi Meredith
http://blog.thegoodnessgrows.com

Kitty Wiemelt
http://bouncebackexpert.typepad.com

Jackie Dishner
 http://bikewithjackie.blogspot.com
http://www.thephoenixtraveler.com

Suzy Graven
 http://articles.secretsofthesavvywoman.com

Jean R. McFarland
www.BadAppleSolutions.com
www.FifthDimensionStrategies.com
Author of Bullies Among Us. What To Do When Work’s No Fun

Job One: Banish Bad Apples

2008-09-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

I’m delighted to announce that my new book, Bullies Among Us. What To Do When Work’s No Fun, is now available at Amazon Online and Barnes & Noble bookstores!

Here’s what one reader says:

” Jean McFarland’s Bullies Among Us needs to be put ahead of pivotal business books like Winning and Built to Last -– for the simple reason that winning cultures and sustainable growth cannot be fostered without first addressing bullying. Put another way, identifying and throwing out the Bad Apples is job one.”--Tricia Hamrin, UpFront Productions

Bullies, the worst of the Bad Apples, abound in workplaces all around the world. Look around you. Two out of every five Americans have experienced bullying at work. As though bullies don’t cause enough devastation through tormenting their targets, they also cost businesses billions of dollars each year in obvious and hidden costs.

Bullies Among Us tells you as a manager or as a target how to deal with the bullies in your workplace: Job One!

Bullies and Nice Don’t Mix

2008-08-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

Now, be nice! After all, you don’t want to burn any bridges behind you!

How many times in childhood did you hear the statement, “Now, be nice”? As an adult, how many times have you heard or thought, “Don’t burn your bridges behind you” —another way of saying, “Be Nice”?

Generally, when people are nice, they are treated nicely in return, but that’s not the case when you are the target of a bully. In my personal and professional experience, behaving nicely, pleasantly, or kindly to your bully simply elicits more bullying behavior directly aimed at you, the target. Bullies can view your pleasantries and niceness as yet another way that you surpass or threaten them, or they may see your behavior as a weakness. Regardless, your behavior fuels their desire to be rid of you.

Remember, bullies and psychopaths rarely think and respond as their targets would. More likely than not, reasoning won’t work and niceness will aggravate the situation.

Higher Education Bullies. When will people learn?

2008-08-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had a very meaningful conversation with a woman who, as the first female president of a 100-year-old state college, battled against two bullies for more than three years before she felt compelled to resign due to their complete undermining of her position and career. At the same time, despite attacks on all fronts, this amazing woman racked up numerous successes in developing, advancing, and promoting the college.

From the time Dr. Uma Gupta assumed the position of President of the college until her resignation, she was systematically bullied by the Vice President of Administrative Affairs and the Vice President for Academic Affairs in a detailed, joint plot to remove Dr. Gupta and make the VP of Academic Affairs interim president.

The two VP bullies lied to Dr. Gupta and lied about her, not only among administration and faculty, but also to students, campus-wide. They phoned her house during the night, and hung up without speaking. They pulled their cars in and out of her driveway in the middle of the night. They stalked her when she was on personal errands and shopping. They began sending emails via her college ID code. In a word, the bullies were relentless, but Dr. Gupta managed to deal with it until they launched an anonymous, mean-spirited blog, available to the entire campus and the world.

“At that point,” said Dr. Gupta, “it became so big, there was no way you could get your arms around it.” Despite the evidence against the VP bullies, for the sake of her family, the college, and herself, it was time to resign.

Today Dr. Gupta is a successful entrepreneur with particular focus on India. Her consulting company, Global Cube It, (http://www.GlobalCubeIt.com) brings insight and expertise to three practice areas: global business development; internationalization of universities; and educational, spiritual, and service-oriented tours.

For Dr. Gupta’s official account of her experience as the target of malicious workplace bullies, visit http://umaguptatheofficialstory.typepad.com/officialstory/tipoff.html.

Small Town, Big Bullies

2008-08-06T13:38:00.000-07:00

Rosalea Hostetler contacted me a few weeks ago and began to tell me her story, but stopped in frustration, saying it was too much to talk about, to relive in a few communications. Now, she is writing her story of working endlessly to preserve the history and culture of her home county in Kansas.

The following is excerpted from an article by Rosalea Hostetler, (Harper, KS, USA) titled Bullying on the Prairie.

"You know how you sometimes have an “eureka” moment in life, when you “finally get it”? Recently I had that moment when it finally sunk in that the reason my journey for the past 40 years has been so hard in Harper County Kansas has been the incessant bullying. It took me my entire life to finally truly understand that I had been a target and of the brutal impact Harper County bullies have had on my life, my health and on the 501(c) (3) nonprofit I established to preserve the history, art & culture of the prairies for future generations. Tragically, this abuse of power has also nearly obliterated our small town. It is not Wal-Mart -- rather, it is the abuses bestowed by bullies in “leadership” on the good people, the talented people who do not have the energy or knowledge to fight such rotten apples."

"Because I have stood up to the bullies, told the truth and stayed the course, I have lost virtually everything once important in my life: my Mennonite church, my family ties, two husbands (also bullies) and school chum friendships. For years I was taunted as “the problem.” (I cried a lot in those days.) I’ve lost so much in my life that there is nothing left to lose so now I am ready to speak up wherever I can to tell the world about the horrors of small town bullies with the hopes of bringing Hope to our small prairie towns."

For more from Rosalea on this topic, visit her new blog: http://overcomebullying.org/bullying-on-the-prairies.html.

Bullies Among Us

2008-08-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

This is the first announcement of my new book, which is scheduled to be published next month. It is titled—but what else?—Bullies Among Us. What to Do When Work’s No Fun and is a resource for targets of bullies and for managers of bullies and targets.

Among other places, it will be available in the bookstore of the Human Resources-Southwest Regional Conference in Fort Worth, Texas, when I co-present with Bonnie Mattick, www.bonniemattick.com, on workplace behaviors as related to employee engagement.

I am most grateful to Bob Kelly of www.WordCrafters.info and Vickie Mullins, www.mullinscreative.com, for their help and guidance in producing this book.

International Workplace Bullying Conference

2008-07-31T13:32:00.000-07:00

The Sixth International Workplace Bullying Conference came to North America for the first time when convened in Montreal, June 2008. During the Conference, the Founding Board formed a new organization, The International Association on Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace.

Founding Board members stem from
• The National Research Centre for the Working Environment, Denmark
• University of Quebec, Montreal
• Centre for Research on Workplace Behaviour, Wales
• University of Bergen, Norway
• Finnish Institute of Occupational Health, Helsinki
• Portsmouth Business School, UK

The origins of the Board members testifies to the fact that Workplace Bullying is and has been taken very seriously in European countries, more so than in the United States. Yet, the problem is rampant here as well.

Cultural characteristics account for some of the difference in outlook and approach to workplace bullying. For example, overall, United States culture is more individualistic than that of any of the countries mentioned above. That people should take care of their own problems is common thinking. Also, Canada, Finland, Denmark, and Norway have been characterized by research as Feminine cultures, that is, more concerned about people and relationships than are Masculine cultures, such as the U.S., which focus on achievement above relationships.

However, the United States was represented at the Conference by Pamela Lutgen-Sandvik, Ph.D., University of New Mexico, Albuquerque, who was voted to the Inaugural Board of Directors of the new International Association. Dr. Lutgen-Sandvik has conducted in-depth research on workplace bullying.

The anti-bullying movement is gaining strength in the U.S. Thirteen states have introduced anti-bullying bills, some repeatedly. None have passed—yet. As was the case with legislation against sexual harassment, it’s only a matter of time.

Meanwhile, helping targets of bullies to take self-defensive action is key to their survival.

Political Parties Differ in Response to Bullying Question

2008-07-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

In this year of the presidential election, it is interesting to note the difference among members of the three political parties in terms of workplace bullying. When asked who had NEVER seen or experienced bullying, 57% of Republicans responded, 43% of Independents, and 39% of Democrats. Would knowing these differences affect your choice of presidential candidate?

Source: Workplace Bullying Institute and Zogby Interntional’s U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey, 2007. www.BullyingInstitute.org.

Workplace Bullying vs. Domestic Bullying

2008-07-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

I recently corresponded with a woman who reports having been stalked for nine years by an ex-boyfriend, a doctor who works in a hospital. I don’t doubt her when she says, “I have a big load of problems.” Nor do I doubt that she is bullied, but there is a distinction between workplace bullying and “domestic” bullying. Stalking and domestic abuse are matters for law enforcement officials; whereas, workplace bullying isn’t illegal, yet. Thirteen states have introduced bills to make workplace bullying illegal. So far, none have passed, but I expect eventually a bill will pass into law, and others will follow.

This photo was taken in an artist’s shop in South Africa. It’s cute and funny, but it’s also a reminder to know where your kids are and what they are doing.

Childhood bullies grow up to be workplace bullies, and without their parent’s help and support, childhood targets can become adult targets.

The Bottom-line Wins

2008-07-22T16:40:00.000-07:00

In response to a recent blog posting here, the question arose as to WHY do organizations put up with bullies. A key answer is $$$$. Yesterday, I spoke to a small business owner, who employs 50 people, regarding a workplace bully. The bully in this case is bullying the owner! Yes, it does happen.

To a large degree, the owner understands what is happening as a result of this bully. However, the owner has tolerated the bully’s behavior for four years because the bully pulls in high-level, critical sums of revenue. This individual is well known in the relevant industry for top-level sales, and probably for negative behaviors and personality, as well.

When it comes to the bottom-line (tangible factor) versus employees’ welfare (intangible), the bottom-line usually prevails. It’s easy to calculate the bottom-line, but not the effects of a bully on employee morale and productivity, in general.

A Rat in a Glass Aquarium

2008-07-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

The following quote is from a woman who told me of being bullied by the person in the adjoining cubicle—another woman who had been hired the same day and quickly developed intense jealousy toward my contact.

“The long-term effect of working under these conditions with such a toxic personality was that I began to feel like a lab rat in a glass aquarium. I suffered from mild depression, gained weight, and watched my blood pressure rise to the point that my doctor prescribed medication. I had no energy, no drive. I felt beaten and worthless and trapped--and it began to show in my work. After seven years, I was terminated, but ultimately, found other work where I thrived. She is still employed there, but reportedly, has driven off two of my successors in the same manner--one after only six months.”

This is just one more example of the devastating effects bullies have—psychological, physical, and financial—on targets and the companies they work for. In the United States, fifty-four million employees are bullied at work, both men and women. Yet, management turns the other way.

The toll should be too great to ignore.

I’ve Joined a Blogathon!

2008-07-18T16:58:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would join a blogathon. I just couldn’t imagine having time to keep up with one, and, frankly, I still can’t, but I’m going to do my best.

I would like you to meet my fellow bloggers, a group of first-rate professionals, most of whom I have known for a long time through the Arizona chapter of the National Speakers Association:

Jackie Dishner, a travel writer, loves biking with “mental” components.
http://bikewithjackie.blogspot.com and http://www.thephoenixtraveler.com

Susan Ratliff is a trade show expert who shares great ideas for entrepreneurs to increase their visibility. http://www.blingmybooth.com

Andrea Beaulieu teaches how to find your authentic voice and live life at its best.
http://www.ConspiracyOfLove.net.

Mimi Meredith inspires people to build better lives, workplaces, and communities.
http://blog.thegoodnessgrows.com

Beth Terry shares commonsense solutions to everyday work and life issues.
http://corporatecowgirl.com.

Vickie Mullins is a designer of logos and print collateral who shows her stuff.
http://vickiemullins.wordpress.com

Michelle May, a physician and author, helps you know how to eat for the right reason-when you’re hungry. http://blogs.eastvalleytribune.com/consumed

Stanley Bronstein, Mr. Achiever, motivates people to perform at their best.
http://stanleybronstein.com

Suzanne Holman, a productivity coach, helps you earn the millions that you deserve.
http://www.LessonsforYourMillionDollarLife.com

Suzy Graven, an inspiring speaker and life/business coach, offers a fresh perspective for women who feel stuck in their professional and personal lives.
http://articles.secretsofthesavvywoman.com

Stephanie Angelo helps organizations raise productivity by reducing domestic violence
http://hressential.com/wordpress

Quinn McDonald is a trainer, speaker, and life/creativity coach.
http://quinncreative.wordpress.com/

Arlene Rosenberg, a professional and personal development coach and consultant, provides tips and tools to help executives and entrepreneurs get to the next level in business.
http://www.leadingachievers.com

Bullies vs. Engaged Employees

2008-05-15T17:11:00.000-07:00

We hear a lot about employee engagement—or rather about lack of employee engagement. It made me wonder whether bullies can be among the small group of engaged employees (about 25%) in the U.S. workforce.

Two thoughts on this:
1. Bullies usually are set on undermining and driving out other employees, their target(s), who more often than not are the best employees.
2. Engaged employees are described as motivated to help their organization succeed; looking for opportunities to improve their knowledge and skills; and appreciative of challenges at work. Engaged employees move the organization forward.

Logic says bullies cannot be engaged employees while actively undermining their engaged co-workers. More likely, bullies are in the “not engaged” or “actively disengaged” employee groups. Neither is concerned with advancing the organization.

Fear Is Pent-Up Energy, So Use It

2008-03-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, my university speech professor told me that the feelings we experience before presenting a speech—the knot in the stomach, shaky hands, and pounding heart—are no more than pent-up energy. Adrenaline floods the blood stream for fight or flight. Fight or flight implies action. We must take physical action to reduce the adrenaline and reduce the fear.

The targets of Bad Apples experience the same physical sensations when they think about meeting up with their tormentors. Consuming pent-up energy with physical activity just before seeing the Bad Apple will help a little, activity such as briskly walking from the back of the parking lot to the office building, squeezing your hands together as hard as possible, shaking your head and neck vigorously to relieve the strain, or slipping into the rest room and jumping up and down several times. These actions may seem silly, but they do help.

However, activities that help targets gain control have the longest lasting effect. One of these is self-education on bullying, bullies, and their targets. The more people understand, the harder it is to put them down. The second most important activity concerns staying connected. Bad Apples, especially bullies, try to isolate their targets, to cut them off from communication with and support of peers and superiors. It is crucial that targets talk with other employees, family, and friends about what is happening and feel assured of their support. Then they are empowered to take action and take control.

This is Scarey: 1% of Adult Working Population Are Psychopaths

2007-09-23T15:30:00.000-07:00

Dr. John Clarke, an expert in the criminal mind, discovered that psychopaths are not only people you'd find in prisons or in the courtroom. They are lurking and scheming in workplaces world-wide. They lie, cheat, steal, and they manipulate, victimize, and destroy co-workers.

The problem for their victims is they are very good talkers and appear to be charming and intelligent. Their ruthlessness is mistaken as ambition and a drive to succeed. In a way it is. They will do anything to get what they want--power, salary, status.

According to Dr. Clarke, the workplace psychopath thinks the same as the criminal psychopath. The difference is criminal psychopaths physically destroy their victims; whereas, workplace psychopaths psychologically destroy their victims. I would add that the health of workplace victims is often seriously compromised for the long-term due to intense and prolonged stress. Indeed, workplace victims often feel their lives are destroyed.

Clarke says there are two weapons you can use: education and teamwork. Education helps you recognize what is happening and empowers you to stop the self-blame. Teamwork keeps you from becoming isolated.

Build a personal team advises Clarke and tell people what is taking place, because "if a psychopath can't isolate you, he can't destroy you."

Bullying as Employee Motivation. Bizarre!

2007-09-04T15:06:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it?! Some workplaces actually support bullies and bullying! It has to do with the hierarchy of management and competitive environments. Where competition is intense, bullying becomes the common and accepted way to motivate employees. Bullying becomes part of the culture of the organization.

Of course, bullying is not openly or actively promoted, but rather, it is supported by silence and inaction of organizational people who have authority. It is supported and can be perpetrated by any level of authority--from directors to managers to supervisors to reports.

Although people respond differently to bullying, some reactions are consistent: bullying increases stress and decreases morale. The universal result is that performance declines.

People subjected to bullying cannot do their best work when they constantly are fearful of meeting up with the bully and being further intimidated. Isn’t it bizarre to think that fear makes good employees?

Red-Hair Bullying

2007-08-28T15:03:00.000-07:00

My mother, a high-spirited, intelligent and expressive woman, often told of how she hated her bright red hair when she was a young child in elementary school. She was teased so much about her hair she avoided doing anything in school that would attract notice. Although she completed all assignments on time and knew the content, she chose not to contribute or solicit information in class. The little red-haired girl even timed her walk to school so she would arrive just as the bell was ringing and wouldn’t be subjected to early morning playground teasing.

Imagine my surprise to learn just this week that in England, excessive teasing of red-haired people, whether children at school or adults in the workplace, is called Gingerism. (Mother’s hair was much redder than ginger.) According to international lawyers Pinsent Masons, unchecked gingerism in the workplace can be considered bullying and can become a legal issue.

From a cross-cultural perspective, the practice of picking on people with red hair is thought to be a particularly British trait. Interestingly, Mother was of English heritage, but the community in which she grew up was of German descent. Obviously, globalization is not a new phenomenon—it just occurs faster now.

Final note: By the time Mother entered high school, she had overcome her shyness and no longer minded some light-hearted teasing. In fact, in the students’ notes of her high school yearbooks, she is frequently called Red.

Northern Ireland Takes on Bullying at Work

2007-08-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

Belfast Set To Host Anti-Bullying Road Show

Northern Ireland News 24 August 2007 www.4NI.co.uk

Belfast is being included in a nationwide road show to crackdown on the rising levels of harassment and bullying in the workplace.

Recent research has shown that 10% of employees are bullied at work and this serious issue already costs UK employers over £2 billion a year in sick pay, staff turnover and loss of production.

The road show will arrive in Belfast on Wednesday, 5 September, with an open seminar for organisations at the Malone Lodge Hotel, Eglantine Avenue. Guest speakers include Mandy Telford, Dignity at Work Co-ordinator from trade union Unite.

The current shortage of skilled labour across Northern Ireland highlights an increasing need for organisations to adopt a zero tolerance approach to bullying from the outset, and to have anti-bullying and harassment policies in place.

Peter Williamson, Regional Secretary for Unite, said: "Bullying in the workplace is a significant issue for companies across Ireland. We want senior managers in Belfast to lead by example and show they are taking a stand against bullying."

Toxic Work Cultures Support Bullies

2007-08-24T16:55:00.000-07:00

Did you know workplace bullying has been labelled a worldwide epidemic and in some nations, it is considered a workplace safety issue? For example, South Australia and Canada?

If you are being bullied by someone at work, don't keep it to yourself. That just makes it worse. The stress continues to build as you have no way to vent your frustration and fear, which can lead to serious health problems--physical and psychological.

The bullying will continue because bullies get their way. Why? Few people complain about bullying behavior. It might even be admired by people--other than the target--as the aggressive and competitive ways of a true leader. The behavior needed to be successful. Some companies support this type of behavior, creating a toxic culture that undermines their employees and their own productivity.

Do you work in a toxic environment? I hope not.

Screeamin' Mimis

2007-08-23T14:05:00.000-07:00

Some bullies are characterized as Screamin' Mimis. You get the picture from the name. They shout and scream for no particular reason --or for any reason. They rant and rave about everything you do. It's never right. It's never good enough.

In a small business setting of only 20 people including the two owners, a Screamin' Mimi targeted a young designer. Targeted means he chose her as his verbal punching bag and "beat" on her daily. She began developing the classic symptoms of a target. She feared going to work every morning. Just thinking about it made her heart pound and her chest tighten until she could hardly breathe. She began taking sick days for medical appointments and sometimes just to avoid running into him. After months of this abuse, she finally couldn't take it anymore and got up the nerve to tell him she didn't like the way he treated her. At that moment, the owner walked in, heard the young designer's words, and told her she had to apologize to Mr. Screamin' Mimi. She fled the room in tears, but the owner didn't relent.

Although the bully resigned for personal reasons and left shortly after this incident, the designer searched for a new position and soon joined a different company that does not support a culture of bullying.

2007-08-08T15:26:00.000-07:00

Cowboy,

Your comment brings out another point: Males, as well as females, are targets of Bad Apples.

A 2007 nationwide poll found that more than half of American workers have been the victim of or heard about supervisors or employers behaving abusively--making sarcastic jokes or teasing remarks, rudely interrupting, publicly criticizing, giving dirty looks to or yelling at subordinates, or ignoring them as if they were invisible. Because these behaviors have become so commonplace, many people do not consider them to be problematic, but they are, especially when directed at a specific person over long periods of time.

Thank you for writing.

2007-08-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

Why Is Bad Apple Behavior Tolerated?

There can be several reasons why organizations tolerate Bad Apples and their bad behavior:
ß They do not know the real costs to the organization of Bad Apple behaviors.
ß Incivility and bullying occur in all levels of organizations, including the top; thus, they can become part of the organizational culture.
ß Bad behavior is often excused or ignored by the people who should be addressing the issue.
ß Some Bad Apples are protected by relationships, status as key producers, or position in the organization
ß Frequently, bad behavior is misinterpreted, for example, “It’s just a personality conflict.”
ß Bullies are adept at operating within the guidelines and policies of an organization making discipline or dismissal difficult.
ß Although other employees might be aware of Bad Apples, they often fly under the radar of their superiors and escape admonishment if not reported.
ß Targets do not report the abusive behavior they endure.

As targets of Bad Apples, we tend to tolerate their behaviors despite the pain they inflict and do not speak up in our own defense. Sometimes it is out of shame. Targets often think they did something wrong. Maybe if we work harder, better, smarter, it will end. Sometimes, inability to speak out is due to fear of retaliation. Whatever the reasons for not speaking out, continued tolerance perpetuates Bad Apple behaviors.

Welcome!

2007-07-27T13:58:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new blog, Bullies Among Us.

I created this blog to provide a safe haven for those of us who have been or are the targets of nasty, undeserved behavior by one or more people in the places where we work.

Bad behavior is not limited to any particular group of people in the workplace. Not to top-level, management, supervisors, peers, subordinates, men, women, Baby Boomers, Generations Xers or any other group. Nor are targets of nasty behavior limited. Bullies and targets, alike, are found in every layer of the workplace.

Think about this--one in every six employees has experienced bullying at work. Most of us tolerate it until it gets so bad we become ill--physically or psychologically.

I hope this blog will provide an anonymous forum for us to talk about our experiences without fear of repercussions rather than keeping emotions bottled up inside. Among us, perhaps we can come up with ways to stop bulllying behaviors.

Please feel free to comment.

Thank you for visiting.

Bad Apple Polisher